Sunday, October 17, 2010

Losing Reins

From today onwards, I am letting loose on the reins...I am just gonna let my life to be set on "auto pilot" mode and allow God to bring me wherever He wants me to go...The whole of last week seriously opened my eyes to something that I never thought I would see...

WHOLE time after A-levels, I decided that I would turn my back on BIOLOGY forever, and never did I know that I will meet this subject ever again in my life...I had a full week of BIOLOGY, including the chapter that I hate the most - DNA....The first day in class, I was like "What in the world is going on?"...Really, I can't seem to find a logic behind this....Why am I back to square one again? And in the midst of the half and hour break we were having, while I was trying to get some sleep before class resume, it suddenly struck me that God is trying to do something in my life but I missed it...Somehow the choice that I made those years ago is not correct, it's not the path that God wants to lead me to...

It's funny how sometimes we struggle to get something done, something just have to happen in our own way that we were going round and round but just can't find a way out...We failed to listen what God actually want us to pay attention to, and we just missed something important that God actually wants us to focus on....We eventually used up all our strength and energy for that something to happen but in the end, we get nothing....We tend to forget that there is always a Higher Power, there is something that actually controls the Universe and it is this Higher Power that provides the eternal living water....

So, I gave up trying to take control of my life now...Whatever that is put in front of me now, I will just face it and ride the strom if needed...

- No more complains, no more grudges, no more bitterness, no more anger, but with much perseverance and patience, and above all , LOVE -

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

summer holidays..

Title above suggest that it's now summer holidays and I have been back in this beloved country of mine for almost 3 months now...And soon, I will need to pack my luggages and once again board the flight bound for UK...9 months spent in UK, looks like I am more prepared to go back there now...and that comes with a purpose....I seriously and desperately need a miracle to allow me to at least obtain a second upper, if not, I may as well just jump off the building....

But, somehow life don't work that way...If I can just get anything I want, life comes too simple that way and eventually we won't learn a single thing by the time we close our eyes and sleep forever...Life is made up of a series of events and even the most insignificant event can be so meaningful later on...And during the day we meet our Father again, we will have many stories to tell Him, what did we achieved, experienced and gained during our time on Earth instead of "Nothing".....So, we need a balance between sweet and horrendous experience, happy and sad stories because life is just like that, it has the ups and downs and we can never always be at the top (because that will defy Newton's Law of Gravitation)...When we were born, we all have a piece of white cloth and we have the choice as to how we paint the cloth....We can be an excellent painter, or we can be the opposite because the brush is in our hands...Even so, we all have a Teacher, and it's God because He will teach us how to hold the brush and how to paint the greatest piece of our lifetime...If we just follow on, ride up every tide that comes in, even if we bled and get scratches everywhere, or break most of our bones along the way, at the end of the day, it's the journey that matters...

Friend, I know how you feel the day you went on the bus...Seeing you in that state seriously make me feel terrible, or rather more than terrible because I don't know how and what I can do to help you to ease the burden, to make u feel better, to know that you will be ok until we meet again...I just want to let you know, we are all interconnected by an invinsible string, and when one of the particle in this string vibrate, it moves every single particle that is connected...though the movement might be small and insignificant, it still at least moved....If you think you are all alone in this, I am telling you that you are wrong....I always have your back and when you are tired, my shoulder is always there for you to lean on....I know this is going to be one terrible test that you have to go through, with the mixture of emotion conflicting in urself, it's not going to bring you anywhere nearer to the shore...Riding this storm is going to be hard, but I hope you see a bigger picture behind all this that happen...And I sincerely hope you can find a way out through this maze and appear as a champion...If you fall, fall with dignity; and always remember that failure is the key to success because falling sharpens ur courage each time and makes you a stronger person...If you are tired, take a rest, but don't give up!! When you really have no where to go, think back where you've come from, where we spent every april school holidays, what did we do up there and seek ernestly...If you will just knock, and you will get the answers....

~ I have you back, always ~

Tuesday, May 25, 2010










Sunday, April 11, 2010

Paris - City of Love

On the 4th of April, when people go to church for Easter Sunday service, me and Brenda each carrying a backbag and pulling a luggage bag, leaving on a "train" to Paris.....

All I can say is, when I was standing in front of Eiffle Tower, all I can feel is love....I never know why people like to propose below or on the Eiffle Tower but now I understood, because the moment I saw the structure, I was standing in awe, totally filled with so much love....And the churches, Sacre Coeur and Notre Dame, I am totally in love with them....

Disneyland was another place that was in our itinerary....When I step out of the train station heading towards the entrance of Disneyland, I dunno how to described how I feel....22 years old, first time going to Disneyland....happy, touched....Seriously so emotional...haha!! And when I saw those cartoon that was with me as I grew up, comparing to those kids standing all around me, I was laughing so hard and they were staring in awe.....Gosh!! Generation difference....but still, I felt like I was once again 4 years, willingly allowing myself to be persuaded by those cartoon characters...

A few days before I was due to leave to Paris, my parents told me that my only cousin brother finally took the plunge and decided to commit into marriage....I was so happy!!! As well as my friend, prior to my trip, realise that ur status changed from single to in-a-relationship...If I know with me going to Paris can make all these happen, I would have gone earlier....

Though Paris is a City of Love, it is also a city that can burn a huge hole in your pocket....ppl go there to "sapu" LV, Longchamp, Chanel, Prada, Gucci and etc....Gosh!!! Like don't need money...just grab and go...especially that Galaries Lafeyette..the ratio of chinese and european is so obvious....My eyes are suddenly open to all the branded stuff that I never knew exists: Furla, Lancel, Goyard (prounce as koyak), Longchamp....bla bla bla....cannot remember so many...

French, is a language that I am really determined to learn...

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I Will Be Still....

It's been a long, long time...I think there are molds on my blog already...haha!! Can't help it seriously, was so busy with that annoying, pathetic DESIGN PROJECT...this design project runs for the whole 3rd year, from semester 1 to semester 2 and year 3 life just revolve around it.... that's why I am utterly suprise that I am still alive....But, that design project taught me a lot of things...partly, knowledge in chemical engineering, and above all, it's another lesson from God....
Since the second semester started, for all the time that I have, it's all dedicated to design, sleep, shit, shower, that design project just stay with me all the time....because of it, I had weird sleeping time....I dun get to take afternoon nap anymore, because I will lay awake on the bed, starring at the ceiling, trying to force myself to sleep.....95% of the time, it won't the end, I will just get up and continue to work even though I was already super night, I will sleep at 5 am and then wake up at 9 am just to continue to work....You guys must be wondering whether do I go to class....Because of this design project, I have little class...monday I have 9 am till 4 pm...Wednesday 9 am to 11 am and friday 11 am till 4 pm...that's all for class...the rest of time, it's for us to work on the project....
Towards the end, we all get so bored with it...seriously, it takes all the life from us...we have nothing else to think and do besides design project....Untill when the project finally, officially ended, we have no idea what to do with our time....suddenly felt the freedom, but dunno what to do with it....fresh air again.....probably my other classmates spend it by sleeping all they can...cuz we were all so deprived of sleep....The last week was the worst: monday hand in 30 pages with additional 25 pages of appendices, tuesday break, wednesday hand in poster, thrusday presentation, friday final group report....I seriously dunno how did we manage...for that last week, we practically camped in school....each group sort of have their own "camping" ground, and u will know exactly where to find them for the whole week....same group, let's see....go to school at 9.30 am, and go home at 12 am....wonderful?
2 weeks before the submission date, I was panicking already...Haven't even started a single page of the individual report...not to say I haven't done any research, but I dunno how to start the report...haha!! then, I bought tickets for All England....and it's weekend ticket, which means I get to watch the quarters, semis and finals....that was good 3 whole days gone not doing anything....but the good thing is, I get to experience the atmosphere of watching the game live...on the semi-finals day, my seat was directly at the corner where the players head to after their game, and where they have the press conference....haha!! I got signature of Peter Gade, the korean coach, Denmark's men double team, Lu Lan and Chen Jin....I wasn't that all desperate k, those ppl were like crashing to my seat just to get the players signature....And my seat was so near and yet dun plan to get signatures, a bit weird, I also pakai layan only...haha!! In the end, the ticket where all the signatures were on, I just chuck it on my table....LEE CHONG WEI won!!! the 100th All England!!!
How can I enjoy so much when I perfectly know I have dateline one week later? Good question...One and a half week before submission date, I came across this was about God multiplying time...How God miraculously multiply food enough for 5000...that's when I realise that no matter what ordeal God put you into, He will provide the chance, and exact time for us to rest...somehow, peace just came upon me and suddenly, I felt strength within me...Come what may, I will have ample of time to finish it...during the last week, I was constantly working...not feeling any fatigue though stay up late night and wake up early the next morning...and then, the afternoon before submission day, our lecturer posted up message and told us that the submission date was great it that? after reading the message, I straight away shut down my laptop and go to bed....but in the end, I din get to sleep as well...cuz body clock already saturday, I finished the report and was waiting to hand in on monday....This, is how great God's grace, and how mighty He is...And, the greatest planner above all....
There's another thing that I learnt...there is this girl in my group...I really salute her....she is the not-officially-elected leader in our group..there is no leader in my group, but somehow everyone listened to this girls' advise...or work around it...we somehow can work in compromise...for the whole year, she was constantly pushing everyone in all direction...till the very last week, I was standing at the very edge already....another push, I was so gonna fall into the cliff...little did I know, because of this, my so call "edge" had been extending unknowingly...Unconciously, I was exploring, searching deeper within me that I din know ever exist...during the design project, I used to complain about her so much, angry, pissed off...nevertheless, I never threw any argument with her before....practising my patience...but now when I think back, if not because of her, my group will not get such high marks for our reports and, it's really "you will not see why this happen, but when u look back, u will see the abstract behind it" kind of thing....never try, never know...
It's really true that God didn't put cracks all over our life to let us sulked on, to complain about, but to allow light, even the thinnest to shine through and light up the areas that we once thought dark....of all we know, even with this thin light, that we though it's nothing, not significant, will lead us out of darkness, guiding us home...If we manage to live by each day in faith, no matter how terrible the day has been, no matter how pathetic and how miserable the situation is, it will pass and fade away....what's left is the experience, lesson and wisdom we gain from the torment, which we can never get it out from books...and those knowledge, is our eternal treasure...Thus, let's learn to see things from God's eyes, laugh with every sadness, pain and sorrow....embrace them with arms open and view them from a different perspective, our reward will come, eventually....

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


What am I doing at 3.30am in the morning? Finally, manage to crap all the way just to finish my process description....I am very sure it's all something that I come up with...facts don't have, but nonsense plently....haih....C H E M I C A L E N G I N E E R I N G!!! annoying....

Just came across a scene in drama, and it makes me wondering........

如果爱一个人, 会竭尽所能, 就为了要得到芳心.....但人到手了, 却不知道珍惜.....直到错过了, 才知道后悔, 来得及吗?

如果爱一个人, 却知道永远只能得到人, 得不到心.....与其硬要在一起, 何尝不去从另一个角度看:只要能够看到心爱的人开心, 能够待在他身旁....其他的, 都无所谓....因为硬拉在一起, 也见不得会幸福.....

Disappointment, is it really that bad? how many of us can stand in the darkest time of our life and yet manage to put a smile on our face and laugh off the pain that we are suffering from? Of all we know, the darkest time at that moment is not the real darkest...a hundred times darker period might happen in future....but, if we can stand in the darkest night, stare up at the sky, u will realise that only then u can see the star shining brighter, moon suddenly become prettier and u never appreciate them before.....and they, will lead u home....God didn't put cracks all over our life to be sulked on, but to allow light, even the thinnest, to pass through and lighten up places that u once though dark....

Thursday, January 21, 2010





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