Awakening...

3 weeks into UK, I have already passed up 2 assignments....great right? and another one is coming up...Gosh!! can anyone tell me wheather the situation is going to be worst or? Today I finish class at 10 am...and guess wat...we have no tv here....and going down town once is like 1.15 pounds deducted from our pocket....so in the end, we juz decided to stay back....after class, went to pass up my assignment, and then we went to saintsburry....well, it's basically a supermarket...imagine, when we are free and nth to do...all we go is some supermarket to buy nth but grocerries...how sad is that? while walking there today....me and brenda were talking bout wat we were doing if we finish class early in Malaysia....and i was like, hmm...if today finish at 10am, i will be heading down to klang for a nice seafood porridge, and then go home...watch a nice movie from astro....and then go 1U or bawang merah for tea.....wah!! so nice right? but sadly, we are currently in UK...gosh!! it's so pathetic.....i actually finished two books within these 3 weeks....it's the lost symbol and the time traveller's wife.....that's how bored i am....well, i am not complaining....after this when all the assignments started to come flooding in, i know there's no turning back till the next summer.....so, crossing fingers....

i was talking to my housemate juz now...and she's currently taking language as her degree....spanish and chinese...well, i realise there are quite a lot of ppl here taking languages, english literature, and all those weird subject that no one will take from malaysia...subjects that are "cold" in malaysia....probably i grow up in a family that thought there were no other professionals besides engineers, doctors, pharmasist, lawyer and wat not....there's not a chance i will considered philosophy or socialogy as a degree previously....but somehow now, my eyes are opened to accept that there are actually such courses around....and start to have some interest in it....haha!! imagine sam studying philosophy? unbelievable.....

well, it's been 3 weeks since the day i board the plane and came to this far far away land....i was so lost at first, missng home with every single breathe that i take....right Louis? haha!!! the first few days, whenever i saw my mum's mail or talking to her on msn or whoever that talk to me from back home....sure become very emotional...owh man~ really wanted to go home so much!!! but then, there's this day...someone told me this: saying hello and goodbye is a norm of life....we do say hello and goodbye all the time...wat's important is not bout meeting new ppl and then say goodbye to them and totally put them at the back of our head, but it's the experience and wat we been through together forms the essence between these two phase....

when i heard this, i cried...that's exactly the thing that i needed the most in this unfamiliar land at the lowest point of my life....and that's the last time i cried missing home i think....before this sentence, i always think that: ok....this is it....i am gonna go through this 42 weeks...pack my bag and go home...that's it....i dun care who am i going to meet, i dun bother watever that's gonna happen here because i juz wan to go home....i dun mind if i dun meet any new friends, i am juz going to live in my little protective shell for the next 42 weeks....cuz if i make friends now, when the time comes for me to go back, i have to say goodbye all over again...and tears will come all over again....so to avoid this, i will juz trampled on each day like a zombi.....

haha!! but this doesn't work in the end...cuz i have better plans now....somehow, this hits me: God send me all the way here...made everything possible for me where i have parents that can afford to send me here for studies, passed all my exams when i thought i was going to fail and manage to get a place to study here....i can't waste every single chance that He gave me by juz skipping through my days here...there's sure sth for me to achieve by the time it's for me to go home....be it making new, stronger friendship, touching someone's life, travel the whole Europe...it doesn't matter, as long as i am not wasting any minute of it...I never realise this soft part of me exist..seriously...haha!! i thought i was strong but never knew i was so weak inside....

I am a much better person now...ready to face the next 39 weeks as a fresh new person, with much hope and excitement.....i hope those who are in the same shoes as me, no matter which part of earth are u in, stay strong.....light will come after darkness, there's no way we can be on the wrong side of the road forever.....